I have been sitting here on the deck for 10 minutes drinking coffee and listening to the birds, and my neighbors pond (with my favorite big fat bull-frog friends croaking noisily away…
Morning coffee on the deck before any other neighbors are awake, and when the Avenue is still quiet is probably one of my favorite times of day. My head hasn’t had a chance to start worrying over everything swirling around in it yet, and with my dog sitting next to me, nuzzling my shoulder for one more round of head scratching…nothing seems wrong in the world.
Soon the to-do lists will start. Teaching a class at 8:30, picking up art in Baltimore…working at the gallery a little bit if I have it in me today. Then the worries will flood in and take over…will I ever make enough money…what if I promised somebody something I can’t do…Why did I SAY that?…what if the next show is a flop…When am I finally going to make the changes I need to make (which is a completely other list)…I need to get to yoga today..or tomorrow…if I don’t get that painting finished today/that idea on paper/that commission completed on time….or some day soon before I go crazy…and it goes on and on…And you know what? It’s ok. These are the things that keep me going…maybe a little too much at times. But I love my life. I love being busy, I cherish the times I am not busy and have some alone time. I love my family and my friends…and the fact that as I’ve gotten older I lost my filter and my worries about what other people will think of me. So in the end, if I can find my perspective for a moment, I realize that it’s all going to get done. As long as I don’t try to hurt anyone purposefully along the way and I do my best to meet commitments and apologize when I can’t…if I say what’s on my mind at least it’s out there…if nobody comes to the show, there is always next month…and a long, but short, lifetime of next months.
And another early morning on the deck with coffee and my dog to ground again.